i think about a new floor lamp. consider going to the gym. envision climbing into bed. breakfast nooks. well fitting bras. walnuts. painted walls. i mourn things that do not exist and i am disenchanted in advance. i cannot recall the beginning. it is always the same. hesitancy and chaos are the devices for conviction and i am weak as we are paused in waiting.
i eat for distraction…
…and imagine what might have been.
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